Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thank You!
I just checked back in today after a fairly long (and I hope understandable) absence to see the kind thoughts left for me and Lily. I just wanted to say thank you, it means a lot to me.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
It's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to
Stop reading now if you don't care.
At this point, it's not Lily's absence that gets me, it's the subtle reminders and habits I've formed around her that make me miss her. Every time I hear a noise, I look for Lily. Every time I leave a bowl on the floor, I wonder if Lily will get to it. Every time I look away from the computer screen, I look for her. Every time I walk in the door, I still expect to pay the kitty toll. Every time I realize she's gone, I feel lonely. When I feel lonely, I want nothing more than to find my sweet ball of fur and hold her while thinking about how much I enjoy her purr.
She was always my buddy, she's been with me through so much. I got her when I was 9 and still living in California. She's been with me through cross country moves, elementary school, middle school, high school, moving houses, new friends, boyfriends, jobs, college, first careers, living on my own for the first time, my parents' divorce and my marriage.
I remember her fondly and I know I made the right decision. Her last week was pretty heartbreaking and I feel like I've spent all of it crying. I'm generally ok and functional until somebody calls me and asks how I'm doing. What am I supposed to say? I'm obviously not ok but it's hard not to be dismissive of my own feelings; some habits die hard.
I'm now in limbo about what to do with all the kitty accouterments (e.g. food bowls, litter box, toys, etc.). I'm obviously not going to keep them and their presence is a remind of her absence. Getting rid of them now, however, feels like I'm trying to rid myself of all signs of past kitty ownership. I'm just not ready to clean my hands of her, so to speak. The best I've been able to do is throw away her medicine and pick up her wet food bowl. Everything else hurts too much to move. I broke down in tears over the treat jar!
My default coping mechanism is retail therapy. I had even decided what I wanted. I just can't do it, though. A purse, while extremely cute, is just a purse. I've decided to donate the money I would have spent on that purse to an animal charity instead. I haven't decided which one yet. August suggested paying for all expenses for a cat so some little girl could take her/him home; a sort of pet sponsorship. I'm not sure yet, I'm still debating. Regardless of what I choose, though, I'm happier with this than with my retail therapy.
At this point, it's not Lily's absence that gets me, it's the subtle reminders and habits I've formed around her that make me miss her. Every time I hear a noise, I look for Lily. Every time I leave a bowl on the floor, I wonder if Lily will get to it. Every time I look away from the computer screen, I look for her. Every time I walk in the door, I still expect to pay the kitty toll. Every time I realize she's gone, I feel lonely. When I feel lonely, I want nothing more than to find my sweet ball of fur and hold her while thinking about how much I enjoy her purr.
She was always my buddy, she's been with me through so much. I got her when I was 9 and still living in California. She's been with me through cross country moves, elementary school, middle school, high school, moving houses, new friends, boyfriends, jobs, college, first careers, living on my own for the first time, my parents' divorce and my marriage.
I remember her fondly and I know I made the right decision. Her last week was pretty heartbreaking and I feel like I've spent all of it crying. I'm generally ok and functional until somebody calls me and asks how I'm doing. What am I supposed to say? I'm obviously not ok but it's hard not to be dismissive of my own feelings; some habits die hard.
I'm now in limbo about what to do with all the kitty accouterments (e.g. food bowls, litter box, toys, etc.). I'm obviously not going to keep them and their presence is a remind of her absence. Getting rid of them now, however, feels like I'm trying to rid myself of all signs of past kitty ownership. I'm just not ready to clean my hands of her, so to speak. The best I've been able to do is throw away her medicine and pick up her wet food bowl. Everything else hurts too much to move. I broke down in tears over the treat jar!
My default coping mechanism is retail therapy. I had even decided what I wanted. I just can't do it, though. A purse, while extremely cute, is just a purse. I've decided to donate the money I would have spent on that purse to an animal charity instead. I haven't decided which one yet. August suggested paying for all expenses for a cat so some little girl could take her/him home; a sort of pet sponsorship. I'm not sure yet, I'm still debating. Regardless of what I choose, though, I'm happier with this than with my retail therapy.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Kitty cuddles
I think this is what I'll miss the most. She's half asleep, twitching, and purring. She loved to purr.
An update, although I'm sure you all know. I went back to the vet on Monday because she had been throwing up all of her medicine. The vet found a mass in her lower intestine that she (vet) believed was the cause of the vomiting and indicative of lymphoma. After a brief discussion of care options, all of which included some form of hospitalization or extreme measures (e.g. IVs, feeding tubes, chemo, etc.), I decided not to pursue treatment. Because of her swift decline, and my belief that euthanasia is kind and humane in the right circumstances, the vet recommended putting her to sleep soon. Lily was given a pain killer, a steroid, and some fluids to make her comfortable. I'm bringing her back in tomorrow morning to put her to sleep. Every time she purrs, I second guess myself; every time she walks, I realize just how sick she is, how much pain she's in, and I know I'm doing the right thing. It still hurts.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
